I delayed any thought of retirement until I was well past the midpoint of my 70’s. The very thought of retirement gave me stomach pains, not to mention the aggravation of dealing with a deep dive into “suffering” with a capital S. Yet, my shifting interests and company goals diverged and the time came for the “event” to occur.

Now, my “idea” of retirement, having watched and listened to scores of people regarding this new stage of life, did not manifest the usual.  For example, I did not begin endless travel overseas, I didn’t buy an RV so that I could do “meetups” in every state in the Union, nor did I sit in front of the TV, drinking beer and belching. I also did not “do” cruises. Rather, I began a new career where the new opportunities threatened to swamp me with even greater activity.

While my calendar got fuller and scheduling became a bit hectic, I continued to have some deep emotional issues regarding this new period of my life. Initially, I had to deal with the idea that I had used a company and an office to anchor me. My new flexibility created a free-floating anxiety where I kept hearing, “you don’t belong anywhere; you aren’t necessary anymore.” Well, after several months, I determined that I was my own anchor!!

That thought was heard in my head with far more bravado than certainty. Why? Well, the schedule was fuller but the work became less significant, less critical to the functioning of the organization. How can I be my own anchor, I thought, when all around me I am feeling minimized, invisible? Do you get the picture? I was blind to the value, the upside, the opportunities newly available to me. It was as though I would prefer pity to possibility!!

Is there ever a defining moment when one does come to understand the infinite opportunities or is it an accumulation of little events that culminate in a new sense of Life? Retirement has been a stage, for me, of accumulating tiny insights and tiny advances. There was, however, one glorious event that shifted me in a way that all of the other insights did not.

While walking the dog one morning, I continually surveyed nature in all her bounty. As I ambled, I saw it; the very thing I needed to see. Behind the fence in a small niche, almost unseen, a single purple & white iris was in full bloom. Its soul was in that blooming, totally unconcerned whether I or anyone else saw it, admired it, or gave it an award. It was simply Spirit in all of its magnificence.

Well, at that point, I was reminded of Robert Schuller’s little aphorism, “Bloom where you are planted.” Oh, Spirit, I moaned, is this where I must go in terms of this Life Stage called “retirement?” Am I to see this as an opportunity to bloom in a different way? But, do I have to do it behind a fence and in a narrow little niche? Can’t it be somewhere a bit more Center Stage?!!!!

Chuckling at the ego bravely waving its banner for attention and applause, I began to climb out of my self-imposed despondency.

As I move forward, I continue to find the word “retirement” less than optimal, but I am immensely excited to do the things that I am to do….no matter the upcoming challenges. Ooops, ‘scuse me, I see an “opportunity” ahead!!